things right now is a mess. i can't even smile every single time i thnk bout what will happen and how am i going to deal with it later. hmm, so how aa? im too scared to deal with this so yes i took the wrong way. back days i used to think why people need to go tell everyone their problems and all this and that. but now im starting to realize that people do need a good listener. err atleast i do need one -_- i dont know who else to refer, they said you can tell everything to your mom. and i guess not. things with my parents doesnt seem right at all. i may looked like i dont cre wht's gonna happen with us but the fact is, i really really really do care.
and all i need is second chance, deep inside im just a little girl with fragile heart that youu need to hndle with care. i got no other else to refer, i guess im just so lucky that i stll have my best buddies that really understand my situation. not to include the advises they gave, reaaly really helping. i stll remember that day i went to school with fucking eyebags, and my schl van drver were teasing me telling me they already knew bout my problems at home and i was lucky i hve such a great understnding frnd. one by one came and none of them ask me why, it's like they knew i dont need a 'why-why' question.
againn, deep very deep inside of me i know i need to fill up this 'empty place' in my heart to achieve something that wouldnt last forever, happiness. hihihi :p sometimes i feel like i dont know myself at all, i can chnge my mood easily. it's either youu wanna be happy or you dont have to be happy, your choice. i am really sick pretending that's evrythng ws okay and i am really sick people asking me how's my life going on. isnt that very obvious that im in pain? i wouldnt know what to do.
evry steps i took lead me to a dreadful disaster. so how im going to make things right? i can't pretend to be a happy person 24/7, each time i came back home from school i know i looked really gloomy and very pathetic and yess, home is the last place i ever want to go besides school. i tried to read i tried keeping me busy but all i did was thinking bout all my problems and people involving it, idk why at this stage i keep thnkng bout somebody else rather thnking bout my so-called 'future'. not to forget, i also hate being a jerk and keep messing with other's feeeling. i know wht it's like to be hated by everyone. trust me, i do know.
mama been telling everyone bout all of my attitudes lately, and everyone ws looking reaaally down at me and they thnk im already spoiled. must she tell evryone in the neighbourhood?
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